Why Me?

You always get the biggest piece, it's my turn!

How bout we flip a coin?

Sure, I'll hold the cob, you flip.

 

Why Me?

Sometimes instead of asking why did this happen to me, we are asking why didn't this happen to me? Very Similar to "How come I get all the grace?" Why do I have to constantly questions God's reasoning? I've already recognized and come to grips with the fact that every good and perfect gift comes from above. I can't earn God's grace. But I still want an explanation... I want to be ready....I want to know the reasoning so I can control it a little more, even when I'm getting more than my fair share.

D and Daniel were in an accident last Monday. Daniel, (15, with a learners permit) was driving, drifted off the road at 70 miles per hour and over corrected. Went across the road into oncoming traffic, there wasn't any. That's the first MAJOR dose of grace and mercy. Then they hit a tree which slid the car around and rammed the passenger door into another tree. D had minor injuries, three stitches, and some x-rays were done because his ribs were bruised from the door coming in about 9 inches. Daniel walked away with a scratch. Another MAJOR dose of grace and mercy. I am so grateful and I am praising God for watching over our family and protecting my son and my husband. But I also felt guilt for being so blessed. Isn't that crazy?  

 

I called my friend and talked to her and ask her if she ever feels angry when she hears stories like mine. She has a handicapped child that was in an accident because someone didn't put the chains on when they hooked up a trailer. It came off and slammed into their van right where the little 4 year old girl was sitting. The timing was too perfect, she was near death for quite a while but when she woke up she wasn't the same. I would be angry, I would be asking why me God. She said, "I can't dwell on it."  Am I the only one that is still so carnally minded?  

We put a picture of the car on fb. I couldn't help but think about a young girl who lost her brother in a car accident about 4 or 5 years ago. Was his car the same color as ours? Did our rejoicing bring up horrific pictures in her mind of her brother. Was she asking the question, "Why them and not us Lord?" I think I would be.  

 

I know God is good and His ways are pure and I'm not always going to understand. I'm so grateful he understands me; My mixed up emotions, my questioning thoughts and my guilty feelings. And he still loves me and he continues to bless our family. No I'm not going to stand around and drown in guilt and I'm not going to be tense waiting and wondering when it will be my turn. I'm going to enjoy the goodness of the Lord and do my best to walk in the Spirit and glorify God.  

Galatians 5:25  If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. 

When someone gives us a gift that we know we don't deserve there is something inside of  us that makes us want to become someone that deserves it. It's not about being someone we are not as much as it is about being all that God called us to be.  

Luke 12:48..... For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.

I know I can not control what will happen tomorrow, but "I will not fear because God is with me". He will give me the grace to do what he has called me to do because his grace is sufficient for me. I'm still reeling in gratitude, and yes, a little bit of guilt but eventually this event will just be a memory. Hopefully we will remember God's amazing grace in the midst and thank Him once again that our world as we know it was not changed forever on that day.  

Psalms 34:4  I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.

Dealing With Death

Dealing with Death

It's a VERY rainy day today.

The decision should not have been that hard, he looked like death already.

He couldn't wash himself very good anymore and his fur started clumping up.

I waited until summer to shave him,

but his skin was so fragile I cut him once or twice and so I skipped his belly.

When I took him in they must have recognized what a poor caretaker I was.

His belly was covers in dead stickers from where he had been laying in the grass.

He was still feisty though, on the way he tried to break out of his cage

and meowed loudly, mournfully almost. I kept trying to quiet him down.

Finally I rolled down the window and turned up the radio and he settled down.

I missed his meows on the way home. It was quiet.

They put him in a box for me...when I picked it up the bottom was still warm.

I wanted to see him sleeping in the box but when I opened it

they had put him in a plastic trash bag and tied it up tightly.

I almost opened it, but it started spitting rain, I wanted to see him sleeping.

The bag would keep the smell down as he decomposed

so other animals wouldn't try to dig him up, but I wanted to see him sleeping.

He loved to sleep in boxes.

It's raining hard now.

I know that I probably waited even longer than I should have

but he was walking around, even after he broke his leg.

On Sunday morning I found him with his leg hung up in the Y of the chair leg.

When I let him loose I knew he wouldn't be able to walk,

he'd been there all night, eight hours, struggling.

Why didn't God wake me up to come and check on him.

God has done things like that before.

Anyway he was hopping around on three legs

and would purr every time I petted him or picked him up.

He was more than 15 years old. He was a diabetic.

It wasn't right to let him suffer.

Was he suffering or did I just do this for my own convenience.

Euthanasia if very real, but if it is with a person you are playing God.

I did ask God to show me, even before he got his leg caught and broke it, if I should put him down.

Was that my answer. It's not like a person,

you aren't giving them extra time to make sure they have made their peace with God.

They don't even have a soul. Yes it's true, they don't.

But what if God is waiting for something else, me to learn a lesson.

I didn't go in and watch him fall asleep,

I would have made a fool out of myself blubbering all over myself.

I wish I would have gone in. I wanted to see him sleeping in the box.

They pulled all of the machines off of my Grandma. One by one we all said our good byes.

She lived, went home from the hospital and lived for another whole year!

During that time her daughter made amends with her, grew closer to her.

All of this is to teach us, ...something. People are different.

But we can learn something from letting a pet go too.

I'm grateful that I kept him for another whole year.

It gave me something to take care of when no one else in this house needs taking care of.

He was a diabetic, I gave him a shot every morning and every night and special, expensive food.

The only problem is you had to buy the medicine in big people size bottles, it would go bad.

But because I didn't have the proper equipment to check his blood sugar

I didn't know when it went bad, unless I saw the tell tell signs.

Then I just kept giving it to him, like a miracle would take place or something.

I wasn't a very good care taker. The medicine was $100 a bottle.

He loved to sleep in boxes.

He had three different names because no one would agree.

Even at the vet they had two different cats listed...no, I said, it's the same cat.

In his glory days he weight almost 20 pounds.

When we went on walks he would follow us around, like a dog.

I'd be working in the garden and turn around and there he was following me like my own shadow.

He was banished to being an outside cat after being with us for only a month

because he put holes in the water bed....two different times!

He loved to snuggle and he loved to sleep in a box.

When we were throwing boxes away we tossed them on the back porch

so he could sleep in them before we threw them away.

We had him for more than 15 years. I just wish I had seen him one last time, sleeping in a box.