"They're watching us."

"We're not doing anything wrong."

"But they think we are." 

 

Accuse or Exhort

Revelation 12:10  And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.

I got a phone call on Tuesday from Daniel saying-“ Mom I need you to come and pick me up, the police will not let me drive home.” Positive #1 he’s alive #2 he’s ok –he’s obviously capable of driving home they just won’t let him. #3 His car is drivable… I grab D, so he can drive Daniel’s car home, not knowing quite what to expect. As we pull up to the spot less than 5 miles from our house a fire truck is pulling away, we see three police cars and an ambulance. As we get out an advocate of Satan, the accuser, begins to recite the story. Daniel got tired, really sleepy, so much so that he couldn’t keep his eyes open…for those of you who don’t know our history, Daniel totaled out a car with his dad in it when they both fell asleep. This time-he pulled over… a concerned man saw him “passed out” and after knocking on the window twice with no response, called the police. The Advocate said over and over again….THAT’s NOT normal for him to be asleep that hard. Really? Have you ever tried to wake my son up from a deep sleep, believe me this is normal. This woman had seen too much, they searched his car, they searched his phone, they treated him like he did something wrong when he did something right. My response, when Daniel walks over to me from the ambulance…. I give him a hug…and say, “Thank-you for pulling over; most people would have kept on going, only being 5 miles from the house.” Do you know the statistics about wrecks happening 5 miles from home, they are pretty high. The car was upright, my son was safe, and it was a nice call. I tell you this because I have seen a lot growing up with four, fairly wild, brothers and I have acted as an accuser of the brethren with my own children and assumed the worst. I am asking you to AVOID doing this, listen to the facts and do not assume.  

1 Corinthians 13:5 [Charity]  Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

It never occurred to me that when I was thinking evil, I was not loving them. I do not have the excuse that I have seen too much or heard too much. Yes, I’ve seen a lot and heard a lot but I’m sure not near as much as the police officer had.

Philippians 4:8  Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

I am changing my thought pattern, I will wait before I speak. No longer will I act on instinct, nor will I make assumptions, or follow my first thought. Up lift, build, believe in, that is my goal from now on. I’m not talking about having rose colored glasses on but instead of judging being my first reaction, how about love and acceptance? Only by God’s grace and strength!

“Don’t tell them what they already know, don’t be the straw that broke the camel’s back. Tell them what they don’t know, tell them that God loves them and he has a plan for their lives. He has a destiny for them. Yeah, Tell them that.”

Hebrews 3:13-14  But exhort [invite, invoke, beseech, call for, desire] one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. For we are made partakers of Christ, if we hold the beginning of our confidence stedfast unto the end;



When are you going to learn to keep your mouth shut?!

When are you going to learn to keep your mouth shut?

It is not necessary to say everything that you are thinking and labeling is against the rules. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. The word, perfectionist, should not bring on such negativity, aggression and a downright offense….I wouldn’t think. But my sister has a sign in her home that calls perfectionist, sick, but instead we strive for excellence….same thing in my book. But she didn’t ask me. And I think that being a perfectionist would be a compliment…. I want a perfectionist to work on my teeth, I want a perfectionist doctor, I want a perfectionist to paint my house, work on my car….etc. Don’t you? But apparently my sister considered it a major insult.

The name of the personality book is “Who do you think you are, anyway?” It is an eye opening experience to read it and find out about yourself, and how you can improve, and how you can adjust your personality when you understand other people’s reactions and why they react that way. It is an amazing tool and has been used for years in the work place as well as with personal relationships.

After I first read it I was amazed at how much my son and I were alike. It is no wonder we clash so many times, whereas my other son, with a different personality, not so much.   

Another book called, “Help Meet” by Debbie Pearl, is where I got a taste of differences in personality, ways that these people can be touched to their very souls. A third resource, “The Five Love Languages”,  was helpful and a children’s book called “The Treasure Tree” also helped. But none of these so specifically provided ways to get these people to understand me as I communicated with them in their own language. It gives you tools in different situations, or weapons if you misuse them. 

I misused them. I labeled and pretended I knew all about a person, what’s important to them and what’s not, putting them in a box, but not really listening. I just believed I had it down to a science. So, like my own personality says, I cut to the chase and just wanted to know what I needed to know to get the job done. 

This of course is not God’s way. Putting your agenda before a person is not right. Love is right, caring, listening, believing, and investing time, that’s what’s important. I wish I had known all this before I simple blurted out, “Your personality is that of a perfectionist.”

“I’m not a perfectionist.”

“But everything you do is perfect.”

“Perfect in your eyes, maybe but it’s not perfect.”

(That statement sort of proved my statement was true because with perfectionist, it’s never good enough.)  

The point being, that being right, that she is a perfectionist was not worth the pothole it put into our relationship….and it has taken a long time to build that relationship up to where it is already. But I cannot take back what I said, only try to mend it. I tried, the next morning; I said, “I had no idea how offended you would be over that word….” Before I could get out the words, “I’m sorry” she barked out, “I wasn’t offended”, A sure sign that she definitely was offended.  

I saw a skit about labeling once. A mom had received a labeler for Christmas one year. It was a great gift until she started putting labels on people. I realize that I don’t want to be labeled because there is such a finality to it. It is impossible to get rid of once you are there. You are put in a box, categorized and given this permanent name. Some things that I have been labeled with that have been tough to get over or grow past; talk too much, bossy, baby sister, stupid (this word was actually a cuss word in my home and to this day I still cringe when I hear someone called by that name.) Awkward, clumsy, jolly green giant, ( I was tallest in my class for years). You would think with all this experience of being labeled myself, I would know better. I do now, but it’s too late. I’ve also been guilty labeling my kids, if they disobey once they are disobedient children, if they cheat on a test they are under suspicion for the next 3 or 4 years!  I am constantly thinking the worst scenario and drawing false conclusions because I don’t want to have a blind eye to the training of my kids but what if we tried some positive labels.  

They are, a child of God, loved by God, given wisdom by God, watched over by God and covered by the blood of Jesus Christ. These are not labels to put them on a pedestal, they are not labels to put pressure on them to be perfect, they are labels to remind them that they got someone who’s got their back. They've got grace. I wish I had shown a little more grace to my sister that day.  I do know that God will help me to clean up this mess because well He’s God, and I think that’s a label He can live with and He can accept that responsibility.  

James 1:19  Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: