Listen up, I have some wisdom to share with you....hello?

 

What I Wish for You

 

It has been proven that the air that is moved by the wing of a butterfly can affect the air all the way around the world.  So something that is set in motion will not be stopped unless something like friction stops it. So one choice can begin a domino effect in your life that can only be stopped by friction….the only friction that can stop a snowball headed for hell (however slowly, or unnoticed) is prayer and God’s grace.  

Matthew 19:30  But many that are first shall be last; and the last shall be first.  

If you apply this scripture to a pit, it is so clear that the first ones in the pit are going to be the last one’s out. So for you it may be easier for you to climb out of the pit when you finally notice that you are in the pit, albeit shallow, provided that you do not continue shoveling yourself lower into the pit by continuing to make the same choices that got you in the pit to begin with. How can you judge whether you are in the pit or not? How many classes do you need to skip or fail before you are considered a high school dropout….or college failure? How much does your grade point average need to drop before you see the shovel of dirt digging your own pit in your hands? At what number of cigarettes to you consider yourself hooked? It is easy for a fish to know when he is hooked because it is so obvious….but not a smoker….or a drinker. How many drinks before you can be considered an alcoholic?  How many classes are you late for or miss,  or how many times are you late for work, or how many times do you perform half way before it begins to become a habit or worse…an ingrained part of your personality?  Look around you at the other teens when you consider this and don’t be so prideful to consider yourself immune….Satan is the Father of lies and deception and he would love for you to fall into THAT pit!

Luke 16:10  He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much.”

If you don’t even want to take a college class next semester what makes you think we would risk sending you over to seas to study. What difference does it make where you study, the point is, will you study at all? When are your priorities going to be about your future, about a vision, instead of the here and now?  Maybe you just need time to grow up. Maybe you are more following the word then I, today has enough trouble of its own.  Yes, you are much more mature then most teenagers,  but your focus on yourself gives you away, your ability to miss the things of the greatest importance….yes probably in my opinion… maybe.  I mentioned success being the most important, but no, I was wrong. Putting God first in your life is the most important; how can I ask you to grow up when even I immediately jump to the comfort zone zombie apocalypse, worldly success! Yes, I, at 52, do not have my priorities straight. What do I want…no, I don’t want you to be a mama’s boy, I don’t want you to sit at home and watch movies with me. I don’t even want you to have  a house with two kids and a good wife and live in the suburbs and go to church every Sunday. I want you to experience life, to have adventures, not at other people’s expense, not because you almost got arrested, or killed, or so drunk you imagined an amazing adventure. No, I want you to see the beauty of God, I want you to feel his presence, I want you to be in a position to where you cry out to him in Holy awwww and amazement.  I want your eyes open so you can see the work he has already done in your life.  No, I want more than that!  I want you to experience the shiver down your spine as you feel the Holy Spirit “quicken” you, and release all the doubts and fears inside of you and fill you up to overflowing. I want you to have visions and dreams that cannot deny that God knows you, will never leave you or forsake you and loves you more than I ever could.  I want you to seek him in his Word instead of in entertainment, or another girl’s arms or in another rambunctious bout with your friends. I want you to slay dragons in His name, to fight the good fight and win…instead of trying to fight the spiritual with the physical. I want you to put on His armor and surrender to Him, not to me, not to my way, and not in my timing. And I pray that he would take you on the adventure of a life time fueling your jet with his love and grace, powering your heart with his blood and mercy, pushing you forward with his power and strength. That would be success,  that would be my joy.

3 John 1:4  I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.

But I must be content, presenting my request to God, waiting patiently, ”Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:”  Philippians 1:6 

"STAND BACK! I am in control here!"

Oh brother.

 

Who’s in Control?

One more time I find myself grasping at straws…yes straws because they are so useless. I asked my class, if you have a choice, would you rather pound a nail in with a hammer or a straw. Of course we would all choose the hammer; after all it only takes a little common sense, right? But if we are not careful, if we act on our “natural” instinct we will look down and find the straw in our hands once again. You see the straw represents worry and the hammer represents prayer.  The straw represents our power, the hammer represents God's power.

Joshua has come to us to say, “I need some help.”  Financial help is what he was talking about. I fought the urge to recite all the dumb things he has spent his money on, but even so I still managed to throw in a few jibes. Why do I do that, I know better. You can NOT do an inside job from the outside.

Job 38:36  Who hath put wisdom in the inward parts? or who hath given understanding to the heart?  The answer of course is God….not me.  Common sense, no it is going to take an act of God. You see Jesus came because we cannot change ourselves, without the grace of God it is impossible. Romans 6:14-16  For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace. What then? shall we sin, because we are not under the law, but under grace? God forbid. Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness? Yes, we can expect our children to make wise decisions, but only if we are praying for God’s grace and mercy to be upon their lives and only if we are praying for God to implant wisdom into their hearts. Even Paul, one of the greatest apostles had trouble with this. What makes us think we won’t! Romans 7:15  For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.  It is a hopeless situation, impossible to fix…..without Jesus. Romans 7:24-25  O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?  I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.  But we will never be completely free from sin until we are rid of the flesh.

So back to Joshua, although D is in the room I take over the proceedings of “loaning” him money.  We discuss how much, we discuss the terms of paying it back. I say; “We will automatically deduct $50 out of your account every pay period. If you want to pay more than that to get it paid off sooner, you can just let us know.”  Later I am discussing it with D and  his opinion differs…. just like the sinner, know it all, prideful person that I am, unlike all I’ve been teaching about respecting your husband I shoot him down. “I have read the books about ADD and I know more than you do. He is incapable of paying bills on time, especially to family. Look at the past experiences!”  Wow, as I put that in writing it makes my stomach churn….”If you enable a child, you disable them."  The memory of this little quote on my refrigerator punches me in the stomach. 1 Corinthians 10:13  There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.  There are lots of should’ves, would’ves and could’ves, but the bottom line is I DO NOT want Joshua to fail so I grasped for control again to make it “easy” for him.  However by automatically taking it out of his bank account he doesn’t have to learn anything, have any responsibility, or learn to budget his money.  Ya, and I got onto D about always being too willing to help out and rescuing him.

Bottom line, I didn’t trust God, I didn’t trust D and I don’t believe there is any hope in growth or change for Joshua- or so spoke my actions. That these thoughts are Satanic and sin, because that means I don’t believe God and I don’t believe His Word.  

 Psalms 51:1-13  Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me. Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest. Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.  Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice. Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.  Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.

Mark 9:23-24   Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth. And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.

Cover me in your blood Lord Jesus, put wisdom in my heart, change my doubt into faith and give me the grace to hope and strength to let go and the knowledge to know that your Word is true and your power is able, and you are enough, in my life and in Joshua’s life.  In Jesus name. Amen.



 

 

 

BLOW UP!!

 

I am looking back trying to find out where exactly I went wrong…I looked at my scriptures about words and speech that I had studied yesterday and recognized that I did everything exactly the opposite of what I had prayed for that day…or did I really pray?….did I just determine in my mind that this is what I was going to do with determination and self-discipline? Maybe. Did I have a wound that had been festering, building up, and chose last night to open up and let all its poisons out onto my whole household. Yes.  Was I determined to just take it? Instead of setting the consequences and following through I just “let it go”. Not really. I stuffed it. So sooner or later it was going to come out. Then I get on face book and twice I get the message; Who are you working for? Whom do you serve? Who do you obey?   

My first thought is, “The kingdom I have built is falling down around me.”  My second thought is, “You built?”

Psalms 127:1 Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.

Then I begin to feel hopeless and I know that Satan is involved because the message, “There is no hope.” always comes from Satan.

Psalms 146:5  Happy is he that hath the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the LORD his God:

I am not happy right now! I feel like Satan is winning.

Deuteronomy 31:6  Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.

I didn’t want to use this scripture today because I feel failed and forsaken…I am still dealing with something I dealt with 20 years ago, inconsistency. Some things never change. I have gone around this mountain so many times that I can lament with Joshua, “I’ve heard all this before.”  Set the consequence then follow through a few times, oh yay your doing so good, a week goes by they push the limits again….I drop the ball, there is no consequence so a little more pushing the limits, a little more pushing the rules, a little more and then I blow.

Joshua 1:9  Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

What if God never commanded me to be strong?  What if he was only talking to Joshua? What if I’m just a weakling and I really can’t handle it.

2 Corinthians 12:9  And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2 Timothy 1:7  For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Weak or strong he is with me, and it’s His strength not mine. 

I really messed up last night totally blew up and became the wicked witch with a capital B. How could God let me go that far and not stop me? Why would he do that, to humble me one more time?

James 4:10  Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.

But according to this we are supposed to humble ourselves.

Isaiah 10:33  Behold, the Lord, the LORD of hosts, shall lop the bough with terror: and the high ones of stature shall be hewn down, and the haughty shall be humbled.

Either way I’m humbled.  And as for haughty, see “first thought” above!

Why am I blaming God….because he promised to change me, he promised to cleanse me, he promised! When will I EVER move past this same ole junk… consistency, how hard can it be. It’s actually harder now then it was before and I couldn’t do it then…not consistently anyway!

Micah 6:8  He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?

How can you do justly and love mercy at the same time?

Romans 12:8  Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness.

It’s that “with cheerfulness that I have a real problem with and again, I’m supposed to rule with diligence AND show mercy WITH cheerfulness. I can’t do it.

Philippians 4:13  I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

An inconsistent parent teaching inconsistent children, really?  Then the "if onlys" jump in and I am forced one more time to examine my beliefs; Is God really sovereign? Does everything really happen for a reason? What about the mother that killed her 5 children? What about all the abused children? Why on earth would you give me 5 children so I would fail over and over again?!

This question he answers, as tears are streaming down my face, in a quiet whisper inside my head. “To teach you mercy.”

Psalms 57:10-11  For thy mercy is great unto the heavens, and thy truth unto the clouds. Be thou exalted, O God, above the heavens: let thy glory be above all the earth.

 

 

The New Mom

Transition; Mom the Boss and Teacher to Mom the Friend, Confidant, Adviser, Supporter

 

Sometimes it feels like your whole world is turned upside down. The things that you thought you had control of you actually have no control at all, the people you thought you knew...changed and the strength you were relying on is gone. The way I'm talking you might be thinking, " oh my goodness, divorce, death, fire, catastrophic storm, what is it?" None of the above, just kids, growing up. I've already talked about transition but it would be nice if it were over in a couple of weeks. It's not....it takes longer than that. It would be nice if all these emotions and hormonal imbalances did not accompany me every step of the way, but no, it appears that that is part of it. If I could just be a little wiser, know a little more, surrender a little faster, let go a little easier....No, "When have you ever done anything the easy way?!" Sigh. So now what. It's always the same, it never changes.

"The wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of then that make peace." So how do I get rid of this war that is roaring inside of me and fighting and kicking and screaming every step of the way!" Philippians 4:6-7  Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.- Don't worry? It seems to be my greatest past time lately, that and trying to grasp back ahold of the control that I never had in the first place! My greatest fear....dare I even put it down on paper....yes, bring it out into the light so it is no longer in the darkness and Satan can no longer use it against you. My greatest fear is the future. Will my children grow up to become what God has called them to be or will they jump ship and become a tool for Satan. There is no middle ground for me, either you are doing good or you are creating havoc. Yet my expectations of my children are so much higher then I could attain. What took me years to get, I expect them to get in a day. Don't waist time making mistakes ...once again the Lord reminds me everyone has to go through the refiners fire. Would you have them not grow, not shine like lights in the universe, just to sit in their previous accomplishments and rot. No, let them out, let them learn, let...them....fall.

It is interesting that after you have spent your whole motherhood, preaching, giving advice, training and preaching some more it comes back.

Melody: Mom it's time to change, you were the youngest in the family and it's almost like you can't let go of this wonderful control and being the boss that you have found in having children. You almost enjoy it too much. You want to continue on and on but it's time.

Mom: He's only 16.

Melody: Yes but even you said he is a very mature 16. He can't be compared to other 16 year olds or even older teenagers.

Mom: He's still a sinner capable of making mistakes.

Melody: Then let him make them and learn from them just like the rest of us have to.

Mom: I'm not ready to do that yet.

Melody: It's happening whether your ready or not and the tighter you hang on the more stress you bring into the household, into your life, your relationships and their lives. LET GO!

Mom: It's not as easy as all that. (Thoughts: You don't even have kids, how do you know so much? Oh yeah, I've been talking to you, training you, pointing out others who won't let go,...how sick they are and miserable.)

Melody: I know but you need to start somewhere, let them live their own lives.

Mom: He's only 16.

Joshua: Not 13.

Mom: Can we just pretend for a little while longer. Sometimes you act like your 13.

Daniel: I'm not the one you should be yelling at.

Mom: I'm not yelling at you, I'm yelling at the.....stove....just let me get this out of my system.

Daniel: I can still hear you, stop.

Joshua: I know, you've said that already.

Melody: You are done being that kind of a mom, it's time to change, to become a mentor, a friend.

Mom: They still need guidance, boundaries, I can't just drop all of that.

Melody: Not all at the same time but at least quit telling them what time to go to bed!

Mom: He kissed his girlfriend when they had only been going out a month, that was stupid and they are moving way too fast. Don't they know that the train will only pick up speed and it has no breaks!

Melody: He's going to have to learn that for himself.

Mom: He won't study unless I am right there on his back.

Melody: He may have to fail a test....or even a class.

How many times do I have to go through this...it's a learning process. The last one is the hardest to let go of. No, the one that doesn't seem to be able to do it on his own is the most difficult. My biggest fear is that they will fail, mess up and pay for the rest of their life...but I am leaving God's grace out of the equation. I am forgetting his mercy in my own life, in my own failures and his amazing blessings, in spite of me. God is big enough to handle my children and their futures. I must remember that it is he that puts wisdom into the hearts of the children and he that protects them and is with them every single step of the way.

Oh Lord please direct the paths of my children and help them to trust you. And give me the strength, the knowledge and the faith to let go, in your way and in your timing, not my own. In Jesus name, Amen

 

Killing Two Birds With One Stone

Don't Panic, I'm not dead yet.

I just need a little loving kindness and I'll be back to normal!

It came out of no where. Well, actually a secret arsenal had been building up. I had no idea it even existed!! Joshua called, and ask if he could stay a third night with his friends. Red flags went up and I knew he shouldn't but I said yes anyway, because I couldn't think of a good reason to say no. He did have school work to do the next day but he assured me he had gotten enough sleep the night before. Before I got through with the phone call, however, I had to ask the usual motherhood questions. Where are you, who are you with, etc.... It was not so much the questions as it was the way I was asking them.... after each answer I would say...sooooo you've just gotten out of the movies. Sooooo your with Tyler and John. Sooooo and on and on it went. Each time the "sooooo" said "I'm really not believing you." 

My daughter, Melody, who always has an opinion, is overly honest and sometimes excessively negative was listening to the conversation. First mistake:  I ask after I got off  the phone what she was thinking. "I wouldn't want to come home either." she boldly replied. I went off, not a little bit, a lot of bit, a wicked witch of the west bit, I can't remember the last time I acted that bad bit!  It could have been the nonchalant way she said it like she was a know it all and had already raised her children. More likely though it was and is my raw feelings towards my own judgment of my progress with my relationship with Joshua. I really believe that I am making progress. It is slow but it is progress!  

The next day I paid again for wanting to be a "yes mom" and not wanting to rock the boat. In fact I almost capsized it completely! Monday after Joshua got home he slept until 1. Although he had gotten enough sleep the Saturday night, obviously Sunday night was a different story. I ask him to do three things that day, finish your school work(1 subject he was behind in) take out the trash and clean your bathroom.  By 6:00 he said (not asked) he was going into town with his dad, just for a couple of hours. I said no, but he said the paper was done, and he would clean the bathroom when he got back home it would only take 15 minutes... 6:30, I discover the paper is not finished....only part of it. 9:00 the paper is finished, 11:00 PM the bathroom is still not finished, threats, reminders, etc ensue...I go to bed (3 different times) lacking any peace, in fact their isn't any peace in the whole house.    

I apologized to Miranda, she was right, and if I were honest I wouldn't come home either. But whether she will be that honest with me again remains to be seen. The worst part is that I DID ask her for her opinion. Joshua had not told the "whole" truth..there were others with them, girls to be exact, not a good trust builder. Not that they were doing anything wrong, but it's just the idea; Can I trust you, when it looks like you're hiding something? Yes, he got the bathroom clean and he didn't get grounded for his procrastination.  

So where do I go from here, Which way is up. Well for one thing I should have trusted my instincts and just said no, enough is enough, come home. I also should have stuck to my no the next day on staying home and finishing the three things I asked him to do for the day. Thirdly, setting consequences for the procrastination was fine but emotionally pounding them into the ground was unnecessary and did not change the circumstances or help anyone. I was more frustrated with myself than anyone else. Overall it was the feeling of being shanghaied or swindled.  I'm sure you could throw a little pride into the mix too, but it was no one's fault but my own. The manipulation process takes two people, the manipulator and the one that allows themselves to be manipulated. I let my guard down.  I still have authority, I still have some control. I am in the process of releasing control over to God but transitions are messy and nothing is concrete. The whole process will probably be several years down the road or when he is financially independent of us. Until then how will I know when to let him make decisions or when to be a yes mom or a no mom. Again I say, it's messy. I will have to stay alert and close to God, and listen and at the same time continue practicing love and showing kindness towards him. Relationships could have died this night, but God's grace will prevail.

Colossians 3:12-13  Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

1 Peter 5:8  Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: