It only takes an hour to solve the problems of the world.

Do you ever get caught in that little rut, reading books, watching movies just to escape reality for a little while? I was talking with my daughter, Jan, the other day and ask her what were some of her favorite books she has read this year. "I don't think I've read any." What?!, she used to read plenty! "I love my life, I really don't have anything to escape from anymore."  Is that what I'm doing? I usually read books to grow, you know the self help books. But just recently I came upon a TV series that I can get from Netflix called Lark Rise to Candleford. It is an amazingly, slow moving, no car races, no shooting....well you get the picture. It reminds me of 'Little House on the Prairie', the series I watched when I was growing up. Melody, my college kid sat down and watched a little of it with me last night and started laughing at the awkward moments, you know, when people are actually talking to work things out. They aren't texting or emailing they're just living life without computers. So we got in this argument where I was trying to explain to her that this is real life, worrying about your hair or what color of shoes you are going to wear with an outfit like most 'college girls' do is not real life. She took offense, I took offense, so I did what I do best. I went off and contemplated why I was so offended. Probably the number one reason is that these movies were bringing me peace by allowing me to escape reality for just a little while. Not that my life is that bad but when I really started considering it, it hit me. I wanted this to be my reality.

I wanted everything to be fixed in an hour. I wanted my brothers cancer to be gone in an hour. I wanted Joshua to have common sense and learn instinctively what the right thing to do is, and Daniel to understand the value of communication and the value of showing someone they are valuable so that his relationships and future relationships will be perfect. I want the Beaton's to get counseling and get fixed- instead of getting a divorce after 25 years of marriage due to pornography.  I want Sally and Dave to make restitution with their son and see their grandchildren for the first time in a year. All of this I would like to see happen in one hour. I don't want to be God, I just want things to be right. I want to be worry free, I want to be comfortable and not have to worry for a day.

And where have we landed after this roller coaster, non-reality, show ride. Right back in the middle of a comfort-zone addict mentality? The show in and of itself is not bad, I love it. But the feelings of just wanting life to be simple, carefree, and well-comfortable, is a problem. Especially if I would rather have that above God's will.  I have wrestled with this before but this time I don't think it is that serious. I think I'm just tired and I need to give myself permission to take a break or "escape"... just for a few hours without feeling guilty. I know where my real peace comes from, I know who the author of miracles and "fixing" things is. Jesus Christ, my redeemer, the Holy Spirit my Comforter, and God, all knowing, full of wisdom, and totally in control. Now that is something to rest in!

 

To Eat or Not To Eat

I could tell by his reaction that he felt like a child. I certainly felt like a mother. It just hit me so hard that he really thought that was going to be ok with me. What was it all about? Eating! He was getting ready to go into work and because I thought he had stopped for a big lunch I was just going to make him a small salad. So the simple question. "Sweetie, did you stop for lunch this afternoon, I didn't think you would be that hungry." "No, I stopped for breakfast." "What?" "Yeah, I stopped by the doughnut shop and got three CAKE doughnuts." "Really?" I honestly thought he was joking, but he was DEAD serious. "Hey, I got three cake doughnuts instead of three glazed doughnuts, those are better right."  Really?!!!

Let me back up, we have always been one of those homeschooling families that "tries" to eat right. In the beginning we started with plain cheerios and no candy or pop in the house. It was a real treat when Daddy took you out for a 'sodie pop' because they were rare and far between. Five kids and 27 years later three of my children are Dr. Pepper holics, and Honey Nut Cheerios and Frosted Mini Wheats are a common sight in my home. For my part I will not by 'sodie pops' and bring them in the house, but the teenagers buy their own when they are out and of course Daddy still treats.

Now, because of some test that have come back my sweet husband is at risk and fear has entered the equation. This is the way I see it- How can someone who loves the heck out of me, would give me the shirt of his back, take a bullet for me and has worked so hard for me so I could stay home with my kids nonchalantly, single handedly try to take away from me my most precious possession?- Him! I just don't think he gets the seriousness of it. Point number two, he is the smartest man I know. He can fix anything, build anything and if he doesn't know, given enough time, he can find out the answer. How can he not know that doughnut shops are completely off limits? I took it as a personally affront even though I know that he didn't mean it that way...we all have weak moments, right? I can not MAKE him eat right, I can do everything right here at the house but the minute he leaves he's like a 16 year old boy, driving the car for the first time! FREEDOM, finally. I don't wan to be that naggy wife that he avoids! Why couldn't he have just had a greasy hamburger, fried chicken, anything but that...fried, and sugar together!

I myself am struggling along, (as I pour cream, that does not have cream as a listed ingredient, into my tea)trying to MAKE myself exercise, stop stress snacking and stay away from things that I know make me feel drowsy, confused and irritated but my blood test came back normal, THAT'S the difference. Forgive my yelling, I guess I'm still pretty upset about it all. In fact I have a confession to make. His mom sent home two small fruit cakes for Christmas. No one in our house likes fruit cake....except D. So I made a deal, with him, I will cut them into pieces and put two small pieces in each bag then you can take out one a day. He agreed. Yesterday after hearing the confession about the doughnuts, I tossed it; One whole fruit cake in the trash. I'm also considering not buying any candy for the kid's stockings this year...and tossing the other fruit cake too!

So you decide, is this sin? A desire for control? A lack of trusting God? Just me throwing a fit, anger? A legitimate concern? I do know that with God fear should NOT be part of the equation.

All in all I still love him to pieces and hey, at least he told the truth. He could've just said, "No, I didn't eat lunch." which would've also been true, the doughnuts were for breakfast.

Back to the praying board!

Proverbs 23:1-3  When thou sittest to eat with a ruler, consider diligently what is before thee: And put a knife to thy throat, if thou be a man given to appetite. Be not desirous of his dainties: for they are deceitful meat.

 

 



The New Mom

Transition; Mom the Boss and Teacher to Mom the Friend, Confidant, Adviser, Supporter

 

Sometimes it feels like your whole world is turned upside down. The things that you thought you had control of you actually have no control at all, the people you thought you knew...changed and the strength you were relying on is gone. The way I'm talking you might be thinking, " oh my goodness, divorce, death, fire, catastrophic storm, what is it?" None of the above, just kids, growing up. I've already talked about transition but it would be nice if it were over in a couple of weeks. It's not....it takes longer than that. It would be nice if all these emotions and hormonal imbalances did not accompany me every step of the way, but no, it appears that that is part of it. If I could just be a little wiser, know a little more, surrender a little faster, let go a little easier....No, "When have you ever done anything the easy way?!" Sigh. So now what. It's always the same, it never changes.

"The wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of then that make peace." So how do I get rid of this war that is roaring inside of me and fighting and kicking and screaming every step of the way!" Philippians 4:6-7  Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.- Don't worry? It seems to be my greatest past time lately, that and trying to grasp back ahold of the control that I never had in the first place! My greatest fear....dare I even put it down on paper....yes, bring it out into the light so it is no longer in the darkness and Satan can no longer use it against you. My greatest fear is the future. Will my children grow up to become what God has called them to be or will they jump ship and become a tool for Satan. There is no middle ground for me, either you are doing good or you are creating havoc. Yet my expectations of my children are so much higher then I could attain. What took me years to get, I expect them to get in a day. Don't waist time making mistakes ...once again the Lord reminds me everyone has to go through the refiners fire. Would you have them not grow, not shine like lights in the universe, just to sit in their previous accomplishments and rot. No, let them out, let them learn, let...them....fall.

It is interesting that after you have spent your whole motherhood, preaching, giving advice, training and preaching some more it comes back.

Melody: Mom it's time to change, you were the youngest in the family and it's almost like you can't let go of this wonderful control and being the boss that you have found in having children. You almost enjoy it too much. You want to continue on and on but it's time.

Mom: He's only 16.

Melody: Yes but even you said he is a very mature 16. He can't be compared to other 16 year olds or even older teenagers.

Mom: He's still a sinner capable of making mistakes.

Melody: Then let him make them and learn from them just like the rest of us have to.

Mom: I'm not ready to do that yet.

Melody: It's happening whether your ready or not and the tighter you hang on the more stress you bring into the household, into your life, your relationships and their lives. LET GO!

Mom: It's not as easy as all that. (Thoughts: You don't even have kids, how do you know so much? Oh yeah, I've been talking to you, training you, pointing out others who won't let go,...how sick they are and miserable.)

Melody: I know but you need to start somewhere, let them live their own lives.

Mom: He's only 16.

Joshua: Not 13.

Mom: Can we just pretend for a little while longer. Sometimes you act like your 13.

Daniel: I'm not the one you should be yelling at.

Mom: I'm not yelling at you, I'm yelling at the.....stove....just let me get this out of my system.

Daniel: I can still hear you, stop.

Joshua: I know, you've said that already.

Melody: You are done being that kind of a mom, it's time to change, to become a mentor, a friend.

Mom: They still need guidance, boundaries, I can't just drop all of that.

Melody: Not all at the same time but at least quit telling them what time to go to bed!

Mom: He kissed his girlfriend when they had only been going out a month, that was stupid and they are moving way too fast. Don't they know that the train will only pick up speed and it has no breaks!

Melody: He's going to have to learn that for himself.

Mom: He won't study unless I am right there on his back.

Melody: He may have to fail a test....or even a class.

How many times do I have to go through this...it's a learning process. The last one is the hardest to let go of. No, the one that doesn't seem to be able to do it on his own is the most difficult. My biggest fear is that they will fail, mess up and pay for the rest of their life...but I am leaving God's grace out of the equation. I am forgetting his mercy in my own life, in my own failures and his amazing blessings, in spite of me. God is big enough to handle my children and their futures. I must remember that it is he that puts wisdom into the hearts of the children and he that protects them and is with them every single step of the way.

Oh Lord please direct the paths of my children and help them to trust you. And give me the strength, the knowledge and the faith to let go, in your way and in your timing, not my own. In Jesus name, Amen

 

Why Me?

You always get the biggest piece, it's my turn!

How bout we flip a coin?

Sure, I'll hold the cob, you flip.

 

Why Me?

Sometimes instead of asking why did this happen to me, we are asking why didn't this happen to me? Very Similar to "How come I get all the grace?" Why do I have to constantly questions God's reasoning? I've already recognized and come to grips with the fact that every good and perfect gift comes from above. I can't earn God's grace. But I still want an explanation... I want to be ready....I want to know the reasoning so I can control it a little more, even when I'm getting more than my fair share.

D and Daniel were in an accident last Monday. Daniel, (15, with a learners permit) was driving, drifted off the road at 70 miles per hour and over corrected. Went across the road into oncoming traffic, there wasn't any. That's the first MAJOR dose of grace and mercy. Then they hit a tree which slid the car around and rammed the passenger door into another tree. D had minor injuries, three stitches, and some x-rays were done because his ribs were bruised from the door coming in about 9 inches. Daniel walked away with a scratch. Another MAJOR dose of grace and mercy. I am so grateful and I am praising God for watching over our family and protecting my son and my husband. But I also felt guilt for being so blessed. Isn't that crazy?  

 

I called my friend and talked to her and ask her if she ever feels angry when she hears stories like mine. She has a handicapped child that was in an accident because someone didn't put the chains on when they hooked up a trailer. It came off and slammed into their van right where the little 4 year old girl was sitting. The timing was too perfect, she was near death for quite a while but when she woke up she wasn't the same. I would be angry, I would be asking why me God. She said, "I can't dwell on it."  Am I the only one that is still so carnally minded?  

We put a picture of the car on fb. I couldn't help but think about a young girl who lost her brother in a car accident about 4 or 5 years ago. Was his car the same color as ours? Did our rejoicing bring up horrific pictures in her mind of her brother. Was she asking the question, "Why them and not us Lord?" I think I would be.  

 

I know God is good and His ways are pure and I'm not always going to understand. I'm so grateful he understands me; My mixed up emotions, my questioning thoughts and my guilty feelings. And he still loves me and he continues to bless our family. No I'm not going to stand around and drown in guilt and I'm not going to be tense waiting and wondering when it will be my turn. I'm going to enjoy the goodness of the Lord and do my best to walk in the Spirit and glorify God.  

Galatians 5:25  If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. 

When someone gives us a gift that we know we don't deserve there is something inside of  us that makes us want to become someone that deserves it. It's not about being someone we are not as much as it is about being all that God called us to be.  

Luke 12:48..... For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.

I know I can not control what will happen tomorrow, but "I will not fear because God is with me". He will give me the grace to do what he has called me to do because his grace is sufficient for me. I'm still reeling in gratitude, and yes, a little bit of guilt but eventually this event will just be a memory. Hopefully we will remember God's amazing grace in the midst and thank Him once again that our world as we know it was not changed forever on that day.  

Psalms 34:4  I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.

The Ride

• Would you mind giving me a lift? 

These pictures represent two VERY different kinds of rides! We live in the country so every chance we get we group together to save gas. This particular time was not was not a good time. I had planned it out so carefully, I was going to go get my haircut while the boys went to football practice. I thought it would be ok with everyone but cramping the style and changing the plans of a 17 year old boy is serious business. First the time change that he had to be there, 2:00 instead of 3:00. Ok, I'll drop you off. Secondly, I would be driving his car, you know the one. The one we are paying insurance on, bought for him and now because he is jobless, paying gas for him to haul himself and his little brother around to football practice and anywhere else he wants to go, apparently. (time for Deep breath)  Now you would think it would be no big deal, he drives my car when the need arises....it was a big deal.  

So here are some tips if you want to "share the ride" with your teenage son.

1. Let them know PLENTY ahead of time....mainly so they can figure out a way to finagle out of it. Putting things on them at the last minute is not a good thing....especially when they have made MANY plans that you don't know about that they plan on springing on YOU at the last minute. But we are seeking peace here....so plenty of warning.

2. Be prepared for them to say no that won't work for me, please figure out something else to do.  (time for Mini lesson in give/take relationships....not take/take relationships or give/give relations.)

3. Try to understand their "I'm so frustrated with you" attitude and see things from their side; me, myself and I and what's best for me!

4. Gripe them out! Say things you don't mean, lay on the guilt trip.

5. Make it your ambition to remind them at least for the next 5 times they ask you for something, about the expensive price you paid, (attitude, guilt, disrespect, etc). In other words give them back exactly what they gave you....that will teach them.

 

REWIND: Most of the above I did do. I was not prepared for all the drama and attitude and instead of taking action I reacted. If I had stopped and thought about exactly what my reactions would have cost, (words I regretted, making ME look like the teenager,) and what it would accomplish-nothing, I may have done it differently.

1. Pray and practice Gratitude

2. Guard my mouth

3. Grace

We all love grace so much...when we are receiving it, but when we are giving it, yuk. It's tough stuff. Even Jesus Christ, when he stretched out his arms to pour out grace upon us, he was spit on, whipped, and rejected.

When we stretch out our arms to show grace, when we lay down our lives, our rights, our agenda, we are going to get stepped on...but the righteousness of God will spring forth.

 

James 3:17-18  But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.  And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.

 

When are you going to learn to keep your mouth shut?!

When are you going to learn to keep your mouth shut?

It is not necessary to say everything that you are thinking and labeling is against the rules. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. The word, perfectionist, should not bring on such negativity, aggression and a downright offense….I wouldn’t think. But my sister has a sign in her home that calls perfectionist, sick, but instead we strive for excellence….same thing in my book. But she didn’t ask me. And I think that being a perfectionist would be a compliment…. I want a perfectionist to work on my teeth, I want a perfectionist doctor, I want a perfectionist to paint my house, work on my car….etc. Don’t you? But apparently my sister considered it a major insult.

The name of the personality book is “Who do you think you are, anyway?” It is an eye opening experience to read it and find out about yourself, and how you can improve, and how you can adjust your personality when you understand other people’s reactions and why they react that way. It is an amazing tool and has been used for years in the work place as well as with personal relationships.

After I first read it I was amazed at how much my son and I were alike. It is no wonder we clash so many times, whereas my other son, with a different personality, not so much.   

Another book called, “Help Meet” by Debbie Pearl, is where I got a taste of differences in personality, ways that these people can be touched to their very souls. A third resource, “The Five Love Languages”,  was helpful and a children’s book called “The Treasure Tree” also helped. But none of these so specifically provided ways to get these people to understand me as I communicated with them in their own language. It gives you tools in different situations, or weapons if you misuse them. 

I misused them. I labeled and pretended I knew all about a person, what’s important to them and what’s not, putting them in a box, but not really listening. I just believed I had it down to a science. So, like my own personality says, I cut to the chase and just wanted to know what I needed to know to get the job done. 

This of course is not God’s way. Putting your agenda before a person is not right. Love is right, caring, listening, believing, and investing time, that’s what’s important. I wish I had known all this before I simple blurted out, “Your personality is that of a perfectionist.”

“I’m not a perfectionist.”

“But everything you do is perfect.”

“Perfect in your eyes, maybe but it’s not perfect.”

(That statement sort of proved my statement was true because with perfectionist, it’s never good enough.)  

The point being, that being right, that she is a perfectionist was not worth the pothole it put into our relationship….and it has taken a long time to build that relationship up to where it is already. But I cannot take back what I said, only try to mend it. I tried, the next morning; I said, “I had no idea how offended you would be over that word….” Before I could get out the words, “I’m sorry” she barked out, “I wasn’t offended”, A sure sign that she definitely was offended.  

I saw a skit about labeling once. A mom had received a labeler for Christmas one year. It was a great gift until she started putting labels on people. I realize that I don’t want to be labeled because there is such a finality to it. It is impossible to get rid of once you are there. You are put in a box, categorized and given this permanent name. Some things that I have been labeled with that have been tough to get over or grow past; talk too much, bossy, baby sister, stupid (this word was actually a cuss word in my home and to this day I still cringe when I hear someone called by that name.) Awkward, clumsy, jolly green giant, ( I was tallest in my class for years). You would think with all this experience of being labeled myself, I would know better. I do now, but it’s too late. I’ve also been guilty labeling my kids, if they disobey once they are disobedient children, if they cheat on a test they are under suspicion for the next 3 or 4 years!  I am constantly thinking the worst scenario and drawing false conclusions because I don’t want to have a blind eye to the training of my kids but what if we tried some positive labels.  

They are, a child of God, loved by God, given wisdom by God, watched over by God and covered by the blood of Jesus Christ. These are not labels to put them on a pedestal, they are not labels to put pressure on them to be perfect, they are labels to remind them that they got someone who’s got their back. They've got grace. I wish I had shown a little more grace to my sister that day.  I do know that God will help me to clean up this mess because well He’s God, and I think that’s a label He can live with and He can accept that responsibility.  

James 1:19  Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:

Dealing With Death

Dealing with Death

It's a VERY rainy day today.

The decision should not have been that hard, he looked like death already.

He couldn't wash himself very good anymore and his fur started clumping up.

I waited until summer to shave him,

but his skin was so fragile I cut him once or twice and so I skipped his belly.

When I took him in they must have recognized what a poor caretaker I was.

His belly was covers in dead stickers from where he had been laying in the grass.

He was still feisty though, on the way he tried to break out of his cage

and meowed loudly, mournfully almost. I kept trying to quiet him down.

Finally I rolled down the window and turned up the radio and he settled down.

I missed his meows on the way home. It was quiet.

They put him in a box for me...when I picked it up the bottom was still warm.

I wanted to see him sleeping in the box but when I opened it

they had put him in a plastic trash bag and tied it up tightly.

I almost opened it, but it started spitting rain, I wanted to see him sleeping.

The bag would keep the smell down as he decomposed

so other animals wouldn't try to dig him up, but I wanted to see him sleeping.

He loved to sleep in boxes.

It's raining hard now.

I know that I probably waited even longer than I should have

but he was walking around, even after he broke his leg.

On Sunday morning I found him with his leg hung up in the Y of the chair leg.

When I let him loose I knew he wouldn't be able to walk,

he'd been there all night, eight hours, struggling.

Why didn't God wake me up to come and check on him.

God has done things like that before.

Anyway he was hopping around on three legs

and would purr every time I petted him or picked him up.

He was more than 15 years old. He was a diabetic.

It wasn't right to let him suffer.

Was he suffering or did I just do this for my own convenience.

Euthanasia if very real, but if it is with a person you are playing God.

I did ask God to show me, even before he got his leg caught and broke it, if I should put him down.

Was that my answer. It's not like a person,

you aren't giving them extra time to make sure they have made their peace with God.

They don't even have a soul. Yes it's true, they don't.

But what if God is waiting for something else, me to learn a lesson.

I didn't go in and watch him fall asleep,

I would have made a fool out of myself blubbering all over myself.

I wish I would have gone in. I wanted to see him sleeping in the box.

They pulled all of the machines off of my Grandma. One by one we all said our good byes.

She lived, went home from the hospital and lived for another whole year!

During that time her daughter made amends with her, grew closer to her.

All of this is to teach us, ...something. People are different.

But we can learn something from letting a pet go too.

I'm grateful that I kept him for another whole year.

It gave me something to take care of when no one else in this house needs taking care of.

He was a diabetic, I gave him a shot every morning and every night and special, expensive food.

The only problem is you had to buy the medicine in big people size bottles, it would go bad.

But because I didn't have the proper equipment to check his blood sugar

I didn't know when it went bad, unless I saw the tell tell signs.

Then I just kept giving it to him, like a miracle would take place or something.

I wasn't a very good care taker. The medicine was $100 a bottle.

He loved to sleep in boxes.

He had three different names because no one would agree.

Even at the vet they had two different cats listed...no, I said, it's the same cat.

In his glory days he weight almost 20 pounds.

When we went on walks he would follow us around, like a dog.

I'd be working in the garden and turn around and there he was following me like my own shadow.

He was banished to being an outside cat after being with us for only a month

because he put holes in the water bed....two different times!

He loved to snuggle and he loved to sleep in a box.

When we were throwing boxes away we tossed them on the back porch

so he could sleep in them before we threw them away.

We had him for more than 15 years. I just wish I had seen him one last time, sleeping in a box.