Sunday, April 29, 2012

"Let's go ladies, time for our morning exercise,
shoulders back, deep breath and jog!"

What did you do on this beautiful Saturday morning. I got up....not because I wanted to but because the dog would not take no for an answer. (D let her out an hour earlier before he went to work!) Then I went back to bed for 30 more minutes...contemplating.  I need to get up, get out there and jog, How late can I wait before I say, "It's too hot."  I got up threw on some shorts and shoes and took off. It 's not because I enjoy running so much, I don't...especially when it's hot, but I do enjoy being outside. Today it was out of necessity that I forced myself to go. I've been on one of those two-day eating binges. Not even five minutes could go by before I had to stick something else in my mouth. Call it nervousness, PMSing, worrying or maybe all three but the point was I had worked my way into feeling tired, fat, ugly and guilty.

When I got home the last thing I wanted to do was eat,  I knew once I got started I wouldn't be able to quit. More contemplation, go to the garage sales or start on my chore list. The first would have just piled on more guilt the second would mean taking my sweaty, stinky self outside and grooming and bathing the dogs. Guilt from my laziness and procrastination this last week won out again and I chose the latter. It was also powerful enough to move me into cleaning off the kitchen table, putting a roast in the crock pot and putting away the clean laundry.

Had I spent my morning sipping tea and doing something I enjoy (i.e. garage selling, reading a book, out to eat with friends)  the world would not have fallen apart and most of the chores would have simply been postponed, right? Something else, somewhere would have had to give, school work, time with D, or maybe just another dinner thrown together. I think my husband deserved better then that after 12 hours of work and after 20 years of faithful work so I can stay home to home school my children.

All that to say that after 20 years I am still fighting for and looking for consistency. I think I'm just looking for immediate results. We would all like to "see' that what we do really matters, did 20 years of homeschooling, training, teaching, talking and disciplining make a difference.  Did anyone even notice my heroic efforts of trying to set a good example. Without a vision, without a purpose and a goal regardless of what we are doing it feels like a waist of time. But it's not just about having a goal it's about having the faith to believe that with God's grace you can reach that goal.

Service without passion, without a vision kills the spirit to even try. The passion part is what I want to pass on to my children.  Do the right thing because you love the Lord and you are fully aware of so much that he has done for you not out of guilt.  That is difficult to teach when I myself lose sight of it every other month. It used to be once a week so I guess I'm making progress. The idea is to realize and recognize that every single thing we do we do unto the Lord. He is not a harsh master he has given us an opportunity to minister and that means  giving us children to help grow US!  By watching us grow, fall, be forgiven, get back up and grow some more we are teaching them about God's grace. By serving our family we are teaching them to serve but by serving as unto the Lord, with joyful heart we are teaching them passion, creating a love in their hearts for God by loving them with actions through God's grace. Teaching them to serve the Lord is not so much about consistency, perfection and definitely not guilt, its about love and compassion and acceptance that they are still learning and growing too.

2 Peter 3:18  But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen.