Wednesday, December 19, 2012

To Eat or Not To Eat
I could tell by his reaction that he felt like a child. I certainly felt like a mother. It just hit me so hard that he really thought that was going to be ok with me. What was it all about? Eating! He was getting ready to go into work and because I thought he had stopped for a big lunch I was just going to make him a small salad. So the simple question. "Sweetie, did you stop for lunch this afternoon, I didn't think you would be that hungry." "No, I stopped for breakfast." "What?" "Yeah, I stopped by the doughnut shop and got three CAKE doughnuts." "Really?" I honestly thought he was joking, but he was DEAD serious. "Hey, I got three cake doughnuts instead of three glazed doughnuts, those are better right."  Really?!!!
Let me back up, we have always been one of those homeschooling families that "tries" to eat right. In the beginning we started with plain cheerios and no candy or pop in the house. It was a real treat when Daddy took you out for a 'sodie pop' because they were rare and far between. Five kids and 27 years later three of my children are Dr. Pepper holics, and Honey Nut Cheerios and Frosted Mini Wheats are a common sight in my home. For my part I will not by 'sodie pops' and bring them in the house, but the teenagers buy their own when they are out and of course Daddy still treats.
Now, because of some test that have come back my sweet husband is at risk and fear has entered the equation. This is the way I see it- How can someone who loves the heck out of me, would give me the shirt of his back, take a bullet for me and has worked so hard for me so I could stay home with my kids nonchalantly, single handedly try to take away from me my most precious possession?- Him! I just don't think he gets the seriousness of it. Point number two, he is the smartest man I know. He can fix anything, build anything and if he doesn't know, given enough time, he can find out the answer. How can he not know that doughnut shops are completely off limits? I took it as a personally affront even though I know that he didn't mean it that way...we all have weak moments, right? I can not MAKE him eat right, I can do everything right here at the house but the minute he leaves he's like a 16 year old boy, driving the car for the first time! FREEDOM, finally. I don't wan to be that naggy wife that he avoids! Why couldn't he have just had a greasy hamburger, fried chicken, anything but that...fried, and sugar together!
I myself am struggling along, (as I pour cream, that does not have cream as a listed ingredient, into my tea)trying to MAKE myself exercise, stop stress snacking and stay away from things that I know make me feel drowsy, confused and irritated but my blood test came back normal, THAT'S the difference. Forgive my yelling, I guess I'm still pretty upset about it all. In fact I have a confession to make. His mom sent home two small fruit cakes for Christmas. No one in our house likes fruit cake....except D. So I made a deal, with him, I will cut them into pieces and put two small pieces in each bag then you can take out one a day. He agreed. Yesterday after hearing the confession about the doughnuts, I tossed it; One whole fruit cake in the trash. I'm also considering not buying any candy for the kid's stockings this year...and tossing the other fruit cake too!
So you decide, is this sin? A desire for control? A lack of trusting God? Just me throwing a fit, anger? A legitimate concern? I do know that with God fear should NOT be part of the equation.
All in all I still love him to pieces and hey, at least he told the truth. He could've just said, "No, I didn't eat lunch." which would've also been true, the doughnuts were for breakfast.
Back to the praying board!
Proverbs 23:1-3  When thou sittest to eat with a ruler, consider diligently what is before thee: And put a knife to thy throat, if thou be a man given to appetite. Be not desirous of his dainties: for they are deceitful meat.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

The New Mom

Transition; Mom the Boss and Teacher to Mom the Friend, Confidant, Adviser, Supporter


Sometimes it feels like your whole world is turned upside down. The things that you thought you had control of you actually have no control at all, the people you thought you knew...changed and the strength you were relying on is gone. The way I'm talking you might be thinking, " oh my goodness, divorce, death, fire, catastrophic storm, what is it?" None of the above, just kids, growing up. I've already talked about transition but it would be nice if it were over in a couple of weeks. It's takes longer than that. It would be nice if all these emotions and hormonal imbalances did not accompany me every step of the way, but no, it appears that that is part of it. If I could just be a little wiser, know a little more, surrender a little faster, let go a little easier....No, "When have you ever done anything the easy way?!" Sigh. So now what. It's always the same, it never changes.

"The wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of then that make peace." So how do I get rid of this war that is roaring inside of me and fighting and kicking and screaming every step of the way!" Philippians 4:6-7  Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.- Don't worry? It seems to be my greatest past time lately, that and trying to grasp back ahold of the control that I never had in the first place! My greatest fear....dare I even put it down on paper....yes, bring it out into the light so it is no longer in the darkness and Satan can no longer use it against you. My greatest fear is the future. Will my children grow up to become what God has called them to be or will they jump ship and become a tool for Satan. There is no middle ground for me, either you are doing good or you are creating havoc. Yet my expectations of my children are so much higher then I could attain. What took me years to get, I expect them to get in a day. Don't waist time making mistakes ...once again the Lord reminds me everyone has to go through the refiners fire. Would you have them not grow, not shine like lights in the universe, just to sit in their previous accomplishments and rot. No, let them out, let them learn, let...them....fall.

It is interesting that after you have spent your whole motherhood, preaching, giving advice, training and preaching some more it comes back.

Melody: Mom it's time to change, you were the youngest in the family and it's almost like you can't let go of this wonderful control and being the boss that you have found in having children. You almost enjoy it too much. You want to continue on and on but it's time.

Mom: He's only 16.

Melody: Yes but even you said he is a very mature 16. He can't be compared to other 16 year olds or even older teenagers.

Mom: He's still a sinner capable of making mistakes.

Melody: Then let him make them and learn from them just like the rest of us have to.

Mom: I'm not ready to do that yet.

Melody: It's happening whether your ready or not and the tighter you hang on the more stress you bring into the household, into your life, your relationships and their lives. LET GO!

Mom: It's not as easy as all that. (Thoughts: You don't even have kids, how do you know so much? Oh yeah, I've been talking to you, training you, pointing out others who won't let go, sick they are and miserable.)

Melody: I know but you need to start somewhere, let them live their own lives.

Mom: He's only 16.

Joshua: Not 13.

Mom: Can we just pretend for a little while longer. Sometimes you act like your 13.

Daniel: I'm not the one you should be yelling at.

Mom: I'm not yelling at you, I'm yelling at the.....stove....just let me get this out of my system.

Daniel: I can still hear you, stop.

Joshua: I know, you've said that already.

Melody: You are done being that kind of a mom, it's time to change, to become a mentor, a friend.

Mom: They still need guidance, boundaries, I can't just drop all of that.

Melody: Not all at the same time but at least quit telling them what time to go to bed!

Mom: He kissed his girlfriend when they had only been going out a month, that was stupid and they are moving way too fast. Don't they know that the train will only pick up speed and it has no breaks!

Melody: He's going to have to learn that for himself.

Mom: He won't study unless I am right there on his back.

Melody: He may have to fail a test....or even a class.

How many times do I have to go through's a learning process. The last one is the hardest to let go of. No, the one that doesn't seem to be able to do it on his own is the most difficult. My biggest fear is that they will fail, mess up and pay for the rest of their life...but I am leaving God's grace out of the equation. I am forgetting his mercy in my own life, in my own failures and his amazing blessings, in spite of me. God is big enough to handle my children and their futures. I must remember that it is he that puts wisdom into the hearts of the children and he that protects them and is with them every single step of the way.

Oh Lord please direct the paths of my children and help them to trust you. And give me the strength, the knowledge and the faith to let go, in your way and in your timing, not my own. In Jesus name, Amen