Thursday, September 6, 2012

Why Me?

You always get the biggest piece, it's my turn!
How bout we flip a coin?
Sure, I'll hold the cob, you flip.
Why Me?
Sometimes instead of asking why did this happen to me, we are asking why didn't this happen to me? Very Similar to "How come I get all the grace?" Why do I have to constantly questions God's reasoning? I've already recognized and come to grips with the fact that every good and perfect gift comes from above. I can't earn God's grace. But I still want an explanation... I want to be ready....I want to know the reasoning so I can control it a little more, even when I'm getting more than my fair share.
D and Daniel were in an accident last Monday. Daniel, (15, with a learners permit) was driving, drifted off the road at 70 miles per hour and over corrected. Went across the road into oncoming traffic, there wasn't any. That's the first MAJOR dose of grace and mercy. Then they hit a tree which slid the car around and rammed the passenger door into another tree. D had minor injuries, three stitches, and some x-rays were done because his ribs were bruised from the door coming in about 9 inches. Daniel walked away with a scratch. Another MAJOR dose of grace and mercy. I am so grateful and I am praising God for watching over our family and protecting my son and my husband. But I also felt guilt for being so blessed. Isn't that crazy?  
I called my friend and talked to her and ask her if she ever feels angry when she hears stories like mine. She has a handicapped child that was in an accident because someone didn't put the chains on when they hooked up a trailer. It came off and slammed into their van right where the little 4 year old girl was sitting. The timing was too perfect, she was near death for quite a while but when she woke up she wasn't the same. I would be angry, I would be asking why me God. She said, "I can't dwell on it."  Am I the only one that is still so carnally minded?  
We put a picture of the car on fb. I couldn't help but think about a young girl who lost her brother in a car accident about 4 or 5 years ago. Was his car the same color as ours? Did our rejoicing bring up horrific pictures in her mind of her brother. Was she asking the question, "Why them and not us Lord?" I think I would be.  
I know God is good and His ways are pure and I'm not always going to understand. I'm so grateful he understands me; My mixed up emotions, my questioning thoughts and my guilty feelings. And he still loves me and he continues to bless our family. No I'm not going to stand around and drown in guilt and I'm not going to be tense waiting and wondering when it will be my turn. I'm going to enjoy the goodness of the Lord and do my best to walk in the Spirit and glorify God.  
Galatians 5:25  If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. 
When someone gives us a gift that we know we don't deserve there is something inside of  us that makes us want to become someone that deserves it. It's not about being someone we are not as much as it is about being all that God called us to be.  
Luke 12:48..... For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more.
I know I can not control what will happen tomorrow, but "I will not fear because God is with me". He will give me the grace to do what he has called me to do because his grace is sufficient for me. I'm still reeling in gratitude, and yes, a little bit of guilt but eventually this event will just be a memory. Hopefully we will remember God's amazing grace in the midst and thank Him once again that our world as we know it was not changed forever on that day.  
Psalms 34:4  I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.