You can let go now dear, we've made it back home....let go
LET GO, you're going to share that thing with me you know!!
I know, pretty ironic that my next blog would be 'Losing Grace', right? Years and years ago, when I only had two children, I had a day care, 6 kids a day, 5 days a week, every week. "How do you do that?", so many would ask. "It's easy and it's fun", I would reply and although some days were more work than others for the most part it was fun. It was organized and scheduled so that everyone knew what to do. Then we moved. I had made a deal with God that if my husband were to make so much money I would stay home with my kids and just spend time with them. But when we got settled I was once again tempted to start another day care....until I had 5 kids in the house at one time for several hours. What happened.....I don't know, I just know that when it was over I knew that the grace to have a day care was gone! completely! Several times, because I had a bunch of preschool stuff, I tried to get back into it. However, just because you have the stuff, just because your qualified, just because you know how and you like to do it doesn't mean, for now, that it is what God wants you to do. So I waited. Last year I finally gave away my preschool boxes.....over 20 years later! I'm not really a hoarder....I was just waiting....just in case.
Back to the present. I have been home schooling my children for over 20 years but I feel like that grace is slipping. I have two boys left, next year will be their Senior years.....one more year. Surely you don't think God is asking me to stop one year before completion. I don't know, all I do know is that we aren't organized, we don't seem to have a schedule and I feel more like I'm in over my head than ever before. Maybe, I'm just tired.
Last week I finished my last Sunday School lesson and turned in my resignation. It was a Ladies SS Class. For a full month only one person was showing up and I'm not sure it wasn't out of sympathy. This week someone showed up who hadn't been there in six weeks....she didn't know where to go. Did I hear wrong? In a church of 400 you should have more than 1 person....shouldn't you?
I need grace to hear you Lord, I need to recognize your voice above my emotions. I'm tired of the guessing games. I need the grace to let go if that is your will for me. I need the motivation to act on something outside myself. We still have two more months to finish out this year, I need a schedule, they need a schedule. I can't seem to find the strength to insist that it be done my way or even on time....is that letting go? I don't think so, that's just being lazy! Maybe I just need a shot of energy in the arm.
Galatians 6:9-10 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.