How Come I Get all the Grace?

Perfect hair do

Perfect stance

everything should go....perfectly, right?

Almost a year ago my son Daniel had open heart surgery. The whole incident was a tremendous God story. He was born with a vessel going straight through his heart. It should have been neatly laying on top. Fourteen year old Daniel has always been active but when he started basketball he was pushed beyond just being active and the sharp pain over the top of his heart made us take notice. Through it all God pushed us to take action, gave us wisdom, then gave us peace. We had the best doctors, the best hospital and there was never any doubt in my mind that Daniel was going to come through "fixed" and ready to go out and play some more basketball. I have been wrong before but I figured if God had sustained his life for this long, it was obviously for a purpose. He could have died, any day, running and jumping like any ordinary boy but God held him firm. He hurt his back at the beginning of basketball that year and wasn't able to go full speed the whole season. He bought a pair of running shoes that he was anxious to try out, they delayed the shipping almost a whole month...until after we had a diagnosis. God planned out every step along the way.

 

Chelsea a beautiful little 5 year old had a heart defect from birth also. She recently underwent open heart surgery. A week later she was fighting for her life in ICU because of complications. Many, many prayers went up for Chelsea asking for God's healing power.  God chose to give Chelsea the ultimate healing, Chelsea went to be with the Lord.  All up and down facebook are memories and pictures of sweet Chelsea. They had a Celebration of Life for her and released balloons. She was beautiful but today her family grieves. Do they have peace or are their minds churning with 'why" questions?  Did God also plan this out every step of the way? I know that God is still good and he was there.

Isaiah 55:11  So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.

Sometimes I get it into my head that I deserved that. I didn't. You can't do anything good enough to deserve the love, acceptance or favor of God. King David was one of his favorites, but God took his first born son. Granite we all say, he deserved it because of his adultery with Basheeba. But don't we all "deserve it" for one sin or another? I mean it should be that anything good we get should come as a shock, not the other way around. Let's face it, how many of us can honestly say we are unselfish and totally devoted to God and his ways no matter what? I am constantly trying to understand and put some reason to God's grace and the way he doles it out.  Is he giving Chelsea's family enough grace and understanding to realize there are no guarantees and to graciously be grateful for the time they had with Chelsea. Will they be able to comfort others that lose children. What was the point?
 

Isaiah 55:9  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

 

I will probably not understand until I get to heaven, and even then maybe not. The more I try, the more confused I become. God's grace and mercy is amazing and I know that we ALL have more than we deserve. Sometimes I feel guilty because I seem to have an over abundance! If Daniel had died would I have been grateful for the years we got to have with him, or would I have turned into a bitter, angry woman. I can not say for sure, I don't think anyone knows until they have actually gone through it. Some have gone through a tremendous amount of pain and others seem to float along with only minor hurdles. But I can not judge what goes on inside, only God can. I can only leave it to him and trust his judgment. Thank-you God for your mercy and grace in my family, I am overwhelmed because of the blessing you have poured out on our family. Please be with Chelsea's family and provide them with mercy and grace enough to bring them comfort and peace.

Romans 9:14-16  What shall we say then? Is there unrighteousness with God? God forbid. For he saith to Moses, I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. So then it is not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth, but of God that sheweth mercy..