"STAND BACK! I am in control here!"
Oh brother.
Who’s in
Control?
One more
time I find myself grasping at straws…yes straws because they are so useless. I
asked my class, if you have a choice, would you rather pound a nail in with a
hammer or a straw. Of course we would all choose the hammer; after all it only
takes a little common sense, right? But if we are not careful, if we act on our
“natural” instinct we will look down and find the straw in our hands once
again. You see the straw represents worry and the hammer represents
prayer. The straw represents our power, the hammer represents God's power.
Joshua has
come to us to say, “I need some help.”
Financial help is what he was talking about. I fought the urge to recite
all the dumb things he has spent his money on, but even so I still managed to
throw in a few jibes. Why do I do that, I know better. You can NOT do an inside
job from the outside.
Job 38:36 Who hath put wisdom in the inward parts? or
who hath given understanding to the heart? The answer of
course is God….not me. Common sense, no
it is going to take an act of God. You see Jesus came because we cannot change
ourselves, without the grace of God it is impossible. Romans 6:14-16 For sin shall not
have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace. What
then? shall we sin, because we are not under the law, but under grace? God
forbid. Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his
servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience
unto righteousness? Yes, we can expect our children to make wise decisions,
but only if we are praying for God’s grace and mercy to be upon their lives and
only if we are praying for God to implant wisdom into their hearts. Even Paul,
one of the greatest apostles had trouble with this. What makes us think we won’t!
Romans 7:15 For that which I do I allow not: for what I
would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I. It is a hopeless situation, impossible to
fix…..without Jesus. Romans 7:24-25 O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver
me from the body of this death? I thank
God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law
of God; but with the flesh the law of sin. But we will never be completely free from sin
until we are rid of the flesh.
So back to
Joshua, although D is in the room I take over the proceedings of “loaning” him
money. We discuss how much, we discuss
the terms of paying it back. I say; “We will automatically deduct $50 out of your
account every pay period. If you want to pay more than that to get it paid off
sooner, you can just let us know.” Later
I am discussing it with D and his
opinion differs…. just like the sinner, know it all, prideful person that I am,
unlike all I’ve been teaching about respecting your husband I shoot him down. “I
have read the books about ADD and I know more than you do. He is incapable of
paying bills on time, especially to family. Look at the past experiences!” Wow, as I put that in writing it makes my
stomach churn….”If you enable a child, you disable them." The memory of this little quote on my refrigerator
punches me in the stomach. 1 Corinthians
10:13 There hath no temptation taken you
but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to
be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way
to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
There are lots of should’ves, would’ves and could’ves, but the
bottom line is I DO NOT want Joshua to fail so I grasped for control again to
make it “easy” for him. However by
automatically taking it out of his bank account he doesn’t have to learn
anything, have any responsibility, or learn to budget his money. Ya, and I got onto D about always being too
willing to help out and rescuing him.
Bottom line,
I didn’t trust God, I didn’t trust D and I don’t believe there is any hope in
growth or change for Joshua- or so spoke my actions. That these thoughts are
Satanic and sin, because that means I don’t believe God and I don’t believe His
Word.
Psalms
51:1-13 Have mercy upon me, O God,
according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender
mercies blot out my transgressions. Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and
cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever
before me. Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy
sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when
thou judgest. Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother
conceive me. Behold, thou desirest truth
in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know
wisdom. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall
be whiter than snow. Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones
which thou hast broken may rejoice. Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out
all mine iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right
spirit within me. Cast me not away
from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the
joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. Then will I teach
transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
Mark 9:23-24 Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe,
all things are possible to him that believeth. And straightway the father of
the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine
unbelief.
Cover me in
your blood Lord Jesus, put wisdom in my heart, change my doubt into faith and
give me the grace to hope and strength to let go and the knowledge to know that
your Word is true and your power is able, and you are enough, in my life and in
Joshua’s life. In Jesus name. Amen.
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