Faith in God, not my prayers.

Have you noticed anything weird about mom lately?
Yeah, she keeps banging her head on that same tree over and over again!
Definition of Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Jeremiah 17:7  Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is.

I realized something last night. My trust is not in the power of God but in the power of my prayers. I understand now why Jesus said don’t pray in vain repetition. (Matthew 6:7) I actually prayed faster and begged God to control and protect my son. It’s New Years Eve and he has to work late, so I’m thinking he’ll be home by midnight. I was exhausted when I went to bed but at 12:15 I am still wide a wake with “wicked imaginations”. I get up and call the restaurant, he’s still their. At the time I didn’t consider that it was a weekend and they stayed open later. I also didn’t think to ask about what time they thought he might be heading home. 12:45 he’s still not home, by now I’m so mad that I could spit nails, not because he’s not home and not because he’s being disobedient, he’s not. I’m mad because I’m exhausted and I can’t go to sleep. “God please bring him home safe, please don’t let him do anything else stupid and please, please, please…. I try calling again, no one answers., at 1:05 I am sitting at the kitchen table boiling when he walks in the door. “I said to call me when you headed home! Do you know what happens at 12:15 on New Years Eve, all the drunks leave the party to go home.” I let him have it with both barrels. He calmly (I’m surprised) explains he didn’t hear me say call home before you leave and “We stay open till 11 and it takes an hour and a half to clean up, I’m here right on time.”

     My sweet Christian attitude springs out and says “ The least you could do is say your sorry I’m so stressed out. You wouldn’t be taking the blame for anything just considering someone else in the situation.” “I’m sorry you are so stressed out over all this.” He obediently repeats the script I just handed him. He just got his car back from being grounded, he’s walking on egg shells. I go back to bed wondering why I couldn’t have just trusted God. I presented my request to Him,…even thanked him for a few things just to make it official but I didn’t get the peace that passes understanding. (Philippians 4:6, 7) Why? I didn’t give it to him; I just kept praying trying to manipulate God. I showed him the problem, ask him to fix it, then wouldn’t let go so he could. Joshua had lied recently (hence the grounding) so I didn’t trust him, but why didn’t I trust God. Why didn’t I just fall right to sleep?

1. My expectations: Because I pray I expect my children to stop being human. Because I homeschool I expect them to do what is right every time all the time. Because I pray I expect God to do what I say. OUCH, that’s pretty haughty. I guess I just expect them to have a little more common sense and be a little higher up on the ladder than I was at that age, and for the most part they do and they are. In all honesty, I really just wanted them to skip the purifying through the fire part and magically arrive. It would be so much more convenient and less stressful for me. OUCH again, there’s my comfort zone addiction rearing it’s ugly head again.
2. I was giving God the wrong problem, Joshua was right where he was supposed to be, doing what he was supposed to be doing, it is not the disobedient child that needed God’s protection, it was the “oh ye of little faith mother” listening to the lies in her head that needed the protecting. I was angry, and worried and scared all for nothing. I have a tendency to feel like I’m not doing the right thing, not doing enough ….so worry is better than doing nothing?? No, trusting and resting in the Lord is best. God has alerted me before when I needed to wake up and pay attention, I can trust him to put me where I need to be when I need to be there!

I honestly don’t know how people raise kids without God. But it’s not enough just to have Him. I’m going to have to trust Him, believe He knows what’s best for me and my kids and loves them more than I ever could?  Mark 9:24  And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.